im drinking this country out of the recession.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
