okay pat passed out under dana's car
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
