Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
