its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
