im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
