I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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