You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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