I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize