Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize