the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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