How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
