Say something about gay babies.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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