I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
