There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
