we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
