Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize