I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
