I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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