if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
