dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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