You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
