Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Porn is love you can see.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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