Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
