I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
