I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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