Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
