Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
