It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
