It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
