Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
