Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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