Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
