In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
