As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
