you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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