Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
