u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
