38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
