YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can't special order awesome
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
