I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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