I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
