I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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