the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
