Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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