A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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