Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
