It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
