do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
