If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
