Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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