I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
