i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
