Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
