It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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