i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
