please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
