Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
