He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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