anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
