Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
