chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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