A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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