it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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