I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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