why didn't you poke me back
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
