I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
