She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize