Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
