Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
